Crutch

I found myself in harms way the other night and the first thing that popped in my head was you. All my life I always thought the very best or the worst of situations.  And if I thought if I died that I wondered if you be satisfied with your last words with me. They say you wont realize what you have untill its gone but I wonder if it will literally take the removal of my existence for you to realize.  Another reason you popped up in my mind on that particular night was because at one point in my life I really thought you had my back. Whenever I felt I was risk or at harm you were the first person I ran to. Even though it was usually a situation I could handle and did handle on my own I’d love having you behind me just in case I couldn’t. Like the parents holding their arms while their baby takes her first steps, ready to catch her if she falls. And I’d look back at you happy to make you proud each time.  However this time when I stumbled I picked myself up. Almost like the memory of you was still behind me. And then I became comfortable with you just being a thought to me in my head. Whether you trained me to walk on my own or if I always knew how to walk on my own and just walked more comfortably with you as my crutch,  none of it mattered to me anymore.  If I get scabs on my knees along the way, I know theyll heal. Eventually they too will disappear along with the idea of you.