Fermented Truth.

Strong as an ox I am, but you're the straw on my camel back.
My kryptonite you bring me to my knees.
My first love, my sweetest taboo
I'll do whatever you ask even without so much as a thank you or please.
Your hand placed under my chin raising it, I look up to you.
You can never do any wrong in my eyes.
Place you high on a pedestal but tiptoe around you on a thin layer of ice.
I hold onto your every word, you inspire me and give me hope.
Your are the flashlight of my darkest days.
Even when I feel at my lowest you manage to put me on your back and strengthen me upward in your ways.
Your presence is almost as painful as your absence.
Your tongue is delicate to me, I feel pain in my chest when you speak.
I live in fear or rejected or no longer being accepted by you.
So when I get the urge to tell you I'm still in love with you, I bite the inside of my cheek.
During the days of my dehydration of life you were the first to kiss water to my lips.
Now you have me in chains, heavy from the burdens I carry from doing you amiss.
You have visible power over me. Im in debt to you, I am prisoner of your war.
I will fight on the battlefield for your love until death due us apart.
Stand out from all the rest and strike me with intense emotion.
The only person whom I've been in love with you preoccupy all my thoughts.
You've been introduced to every side of me, without you i feel like my identity has been lost.
Your are the epitome of every girl's dream but we were more perfect when together.
I'm not saying I want what we had, I'm thinking beyond that, I desire way better.
Never in my life have I wanted something so bad.
I'm willing to risk it all for you.
Patiently waiting for your return or until you think I've paid my dues.
I fantasize of being reunited at the part of your plump lips and again.
I imagine melting into you as I experience their silk like feel.
Holding me gently in your arms, I never wanna leave.
But waiting for it to be real is the part that kills.
I keep my emotions in a bottle, why don't you pull out a glass?
Because I'll only let you taste a sip if you're ready to ask.
My knight and shining amor you slay me with your silence.
Please tell me what it is you that you desire.
We're collectively holding back from each other.
But I guess truth is only a taste acquired.

Permission

Wounds reopened that i thought had healed burns at the touch of the cold air of my past. Too delicate, no tissue thick enough to scar it over. I don't mean to hurt you but I thought I was protecting myself. Selfish of me, but please let me explain. My love for you has bled out to its very last drop leaving me completely drained. But forever I bleed, forever I'll love you. My love for you flows thru me internally. You were more than everything to me. You'll have a piece of me unable to be reattained . But waiting for you almost feels like waiting for the impossible to happen. Time is all it took . Not patience, because I had none . Even though I have it now but I don't know where it came from . It took time for me to realize what had been in front of me the whole time . As time heals all, but the process kills. Cried you a thousands rivers frozen from neglect . And it cracks every time I look back to what we had. I slip thru and I'm drowning of embarrassment and shame. It burns holes thru my heart, and now you see right thru me. As if my existence once was all in vain. I could easily look back at all the good times we had , but that would just make it even harder for me to look past. I need the strength to move on, but my weakness is I only want to move on with you. Start over with a fresh start, but I don't think you even have a clue. Everyone else can see I never truly let you go. I wanna tell you how I feel, but I'm not sure if you already know. Im hurting without you, wont you numb me over with a dose of your love? But I'll live for the pain if it means I have to wait. I'd rather be hurting because all we'll ever be is friends over being hurt because we act like strangers in the streets. Every time I pass your presence from me not a single breathe leaks. Forever you'll have your strings on my heart and Ill proudly dance. You own my heart, my soul, me. Even from afar Ill be your biggest fan. And you never took advantage of me. Call me a bitch for trying to dig up our old bones in our closet but we cant move forward without understanding our past. After waiting years to even hold a conversation with you, are my emotions worth risking loosing that? I lost you once, I can't lose you again. So if i have to I'll settle to being just friends. You're worth biting my tongue, you deserve it all. And only if you allow me I'll give it to you.