I Know

She sings a joyful song

So that others can be moved

But if you listen deeper into her song

You cannot be fooled

For every High pitched note 

You can hear the truth behind her falsetto 

The pain in her voice echoes around you

In waves as if it were bouncing off of all metals.

I know why the caged bird sings.

It's because it's the only song she gets to call her own.

It's Because even when she is free, 

It's the cage she only knows as home. 

When she feels nothing but pain

She can still mask it with a tune.

So when the fire inside her dies

You won't even be able to smell the fumes.

She does not sing because she is happy,

She does not sing because she is free.

But if you listen deeper to the song

You'll know why this caged bird sings.

I sing because I wants to distract you from all of your sorrows.

I sing with hope that there is going to be a better tomorrow. 

I sing because I put other's happiness as priority before myself.

I sing to mask away all the emotions I myself have dealt.

I sing because it's the only song Ive ever known.

I sing because that's the only voice you'll ever hear as my own.

I am nested safely able to control and manage my own beat. 

When I sing, unlike when I talk, my beak does not point towards my feet. 

When I sing it's the only time I don't have to swallow my pride.

Even when I am free I'm still locked up in my mind.

I sing as if my wings are clipped 

But really I can fly just fine.

If I were to fly however, 

my feathers would probably weigh me down.

All the tears I've hidden in them would pour out,

and I'd be too afraid I'd drown.

I'd rather just keeping singing the same chorus,

Because to me it will never age. 

I'll recite each verse like it's my last

Comfortably from my cage.

The Beginning

No contact, no words
Completely bashful I can't look you in eyes anymore
I glue them tight but even in the dark all I can see is you.
Gravity keeps pulling me closer to you
I attempt to fight it but when I open my eyes I find myself with the view of the bridge of your nose.
I'm hesitant and immobile
Pouted lips, slightly parted you exhale
But not only are you releasing oxygen but the last of your patience. 
You grip the back of my neck so that the empty part between your mouth is filled with my lips molded to match yours.
Our noses leaning against each other there is no longer space between us as you kiss me.
And it's all gentle contact until I finally unfreeze myself to kiss you back.
You bite my lower lip hard enough for me to really feel it but gentle enough for me to not be in pain.
I push back on your teeth with my tongue and you let it go.
Your hand begins to slip from the nape of my neck and you press down on my jawline with your thumb.
The rest of your fingers still holding my neck firmly in place.
Then my tongue it slips thru to your mouth greeted by your own and they begin to introduce themselves
I can taste the mint of your toothpaste and I become fervent all over.
My tongue becomes dominant over yours as the two maintain with vigor.
Your hand slips from neck and falls into my lap.
You place your now sweaty palm on my thigh and squeeze.
But it's in between my thighs that I feel the pressure of your hands.
Startled, I move my face inches away from yours.
Both of our unbalanced breathing is now heard clearly. 
I swallow air hard in the hopes it will travel to my lungs quicker and put a hush to my shortness of breathe.
You slowly slide your hand up and down my thigh.
I can feel your rigid fingertips brush across every last goose-bump you have just created.
And I can't help but stare at them.
You break my eye contact when you reach for my face with your other hand.
You elevate my chin so that my eyes are forced to meet yours.
I stare into the sea of mahogany that surrounds your pupils and I can tell by the way they adress me that you want to undress me.
"Do I make you uncomfortable?" you ask.
I simply move my head in a horizontal motion.
You trace the outline of my lips with your thumb and even though you're barely touching me I feel it deep in the pitts of my stomach.
It feels as if I swallowed a boy scout and they were down there securing a sailors knot in order to earn their merits badge.
You place your head on my chest and begin to leave a trail of kisses on my collarbone.
Slightly sucking at my skin at every mark you stop.
I wonder if you can feel the heat under ny skin, I am hot for you.
You graze your nose across my ear.
I sigh out.
"I want you," you whisper into my ear and proceed to gently nibble on my earlobe. 
A small moan escapes my mouth.
"Do you want me?"
I nod.
"I need to hear you say it. Aloud." You caress my left shoulder leaving it exposed as you unsecure my bra strap that has now fallen out of place.
I moan out, "I want you". In a stactto tone.
Making sure I enunciate all three words so theres not a hint of uncertainty in my voice.
You bite your lower lip then trace it with your tongue.
You cock your head to the side and a smirk appears across your face. 
You pat your lap motioning for me to move there.
I obey and this how it all begins.

Deadheading Black Roses.

When I first met you I was just a seed waiting to grow.

But being with you led me to sunlight and I began to produce consistently.

Our love brought me out of the darkness.

As long as I was showered with your approval my buds were in bloom.

But still my petals weren't fulfilling enough for you to look past the weeds I shared soil with.

 Although everyone has weeds because no flower is perfect.

And even though they weren't hurtful weeds that were an impediment to my devolpment.

They were weeds such as white clover, pretty and more beneficial to the plant than harmful.

And you never truly appreciated their beauty.

My weeds were what made me unique. They complimented my colors.

My weeds are a huge part of me, part of the reason I am the flower I am today.

You only saw my weeds as weeds.

And you began to point them out and tall they stalked me more visible than before.

Then you began to pick at them, then pick them out, and only for a temporary moment were they actually gone. 

Then my weeds grew back wild, ten times as fast, and ten times more strong.

They took over and became competition to my flower.

And the consistency of which I was blooming at began to slow.

These new weeds became so overwhelming that they held back my petals and prevented my potential to grow.

And even though there were weeds in my bed when you met me, now you let them obstruct sight of what we really had.

And soon they grew so aggressively that they began to weigh my petals down.

Shedding one by one  like a game of "He loves Me, He loves Me not" submerging with gravity towards the ground, allowing me to drown.

Not only did you only see my weeds as just weeds but eventually you couldn't even see me.

Even though it's always been all right for everyone to make or have weeds in their bed as long as they learn from them.

 But my weeds did not define me they only refined me, the only flower who needed to learn from them was you.

So busy picking at my weeds in my bed you forgot in your bed you had some weeds too.

Your doubt polluted bad spirits and blocked me from the sunlight.

As I began to wither away, my memories of us decay along with me.

I'm sorry if my thorns scratch you a little on my way down. 

September 27th 2013 (Homecoming)

Every back way or short cut, if it existed you knew. Whether the destination was someone's heart or across town, no one could take us there like you.
Presence so bold, you could never go unseen. Even if everyone in the room didn't know you, we could be sure they knew your name.
You had a sense of humor so special with your influential smile to match.           
Even if you were cracking on me I couldn't help but to laugh.          
Jokes and all you were taken seriously.
A leader well-respected.
My protector and my rock.
No where safer in the world than in your arms.
When everyone else could see right past me, without me saying a word you just knew when something was wrong.
My heart weighs heavy with the knowing half my existence isnt on this ground.  
But it gives my mind peace to know your body's at rest and that youre safe and sound.
When it came to you and I, we could never say goodbye, only phrases like "see you later" or "see you soon".
So twin I hope I make you proud until then, I'll see you when I come home

Crutch

I found myself in harms way the other night and the first thing that popped in my head was you. All my life I always thought the very best or the worst of situations.  And if I thought if I died that I wondered if you be satisfied with your last words with me. They say you wont realize what you have untill its gone but I wonder if it will literally take the removal of my existence for you to realize.  Another reason you popped up in my mind on that particular night was because at one point in my life I really thought you had my back. Whenever I felt I was risk or at harm you were the first person I ran to. Even though it was usually a situation I could handle and did handle on my own I’d love having you behind me just in case I couldn’t. Like the parents holding their arms while their baby takes her first steps, ready to catch her if she falls. And I’d look back at you happy to make you proud each time.  However this time when I stumbled I picked myself up. Almost like the memory of you was still behind me. And then I became comfortable with you just being a thought to me in my head. Whether you trained me to walk on my own or if I always knew how to walk on my own and just walked more comfortably with you as my crutch,  none of it mattered to me anymore.  If I get scabs on my knees along the way, I know theyll heal. Eventually they too will disappear along with the idea of you.