Do you (My Ex)

What happened to an ex you still love? Do they melt away like snow? Or instead of holding onto them are you supposed to let them go. Do you roll your eyes in the hallway and in an evil tone scream “Hi?” Or so quietly sneak to the bathroom sit on the toilet and just cry Do you immediately delete them out your life and never give them another chance Or do they secretly still love you back and ask you to the school dance Well the truth is it feels like you can’t get over an ex. No matter what it seems as if they will always be your best. Sometimes they’ll move away from you and won’t ever come back. Or stay in touch with you by writing letters big and fat. But an ex won’t always be your ex unless you guys get back. But that won’t always be the case so its going to stay like that.

Silence

The tears I cry Shall soon be dry They leave warm moist traces down my face. Face, what a word. Its what I need to do. Yes, face my fears and dry my tears. But if I bottle up myself I just might become someone else. Should I just leek and weep. Or stand there in silence. What wrong they’ll ask But I’ll just walk past, Trembling in fear Ignoring what they say to me letting it flow rite thru my ears. Still trembling terrorized and I’ll just keep shaking. This is just a bad dream right, I’ll soon be awaking Bad dream, I wish, but no this is life. So I come out of the dark but remain in Silence.

Mirror

It’s the squeeze in his hug His walk like a thug The pants with no belt, That made me feel the way I felt. But ask me now how do I feel, When I cook his every meal, After I’ve known him in bed. Well I feel like I’m fed. Because of the pain that I know, The bruises that show. I look in the mirror and see some girl who’s not me. There is no way out. He screams and he shouts. I’m leaving I’d say But shelter is too far away. Now all I can do is pray. Its harder to leave then u think Kind of like the blood in the sink I love him and always will After all he pays the bills. Controlling his anger, he says he tries. Do better I always cry. But the man I once knew lives there, somewhere inside.

No Place Like Home

I’ve hungered for its knowledge of existence because of its magical wonders told and heard. Even being within it now I still crave for the definition of this one word. Baffled how its contrary emotions contradict one another. How can this affection bring so much pain and when it’s so strong makes me so weak? Now that reality is better than my dreams I can’t even sleep. I’ve found the other half to complete me and yet still I think I’ve lost myself. I forgot about the pearl inside by the time I was able to open the shell. I lost sight of my “I” becoming an us by the time I realized I was IN love. I lost sight of the meaning behind the roses and the doves. How when with you I’m so alive and without you I’m almost dead. That you’re not only my lover but also my best friend. Your love convicted me with question marks where there should have just been periods. I want to be with you no excuses, period. Our hearts mended together, forever. My tunnel dark with mistakes is now fully lit from your light to let me know that this is right. Your heart is my home and you’re the reason I breathe. Comforted by the feeling known, because love loves me. I’m sorry for questioning us it’s all so brand new and I simply did not know. And now that I do I also know that there’s no place like home.

The Best Of You

Calluses on my hands from all the attempts.
Peeling off all my layers, shedding me naked.
So now here I stand. Unclothed. Alone.
The burns from playing tug-of-war with who I thought was you.
As I look further into it, I see I’m the only one fighting.
Which is why I continue to lose.
Dragging me thru the mud on the other side of the rope is a rock.
Always remaining in its place.
Never questioning its status.
Strong, unable to broke.
Heavy enough to be unmoved.
That rock used to be me; I was as vigorous at that rock once.
Until I allowed to this relationship to abrade me.
When this whole time I’ve been literally stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Never alongside with you.
I can no longer give you all of me, when from you I receive nothing in return.
With you there is no middle ground.
I have no voice of my own.
There is no fight left in me, because this entire relationship I’ve been fighting alone.
Fighting myself, lying to myself.
He loves me, Its going to get better, he’ll change.
But we both know the truth and how you’re using me.
And unfortunately you’ll always remain the same.
So I’ll let go of this rope, this relationship, and you.
And with time my calluses and sores will heal.
The struggle for power with you was unneeded, only I should and from here out will control myself.
I shined on my own way before I was your prized trophy.
Although you dimmed my fire, I will always shine.
And I’d wish you the best, but you already lost me.
So instead I wish you the best of yourself.

The Fear of Love

There Are No Words To Explain What I Want To Say. And Even If There Was They Wouldn't Say What I Need . Confused In A World Of My Own A Dead Flower But Never A Seed. Locked Up In A Corner My Head Hidden In My Knees. Its Sad As It Makes Me Weak Wanting To Be Stress Free. How Can Something So Equally Right Feel So Unequally Wrong. And Every Time I Think Of It I Can Speak Of Nothing Because My Tongue Becomes Numb. And You Make It Harder For Me Because You Express Your Emotions So Well. If I Were To Break Your Heart My Own Heart Would Break Up And Swell. All Lovers And Friends Soon Come To An End But This One Every One Was Sure Would Of Last. For You Are Like Me, And I Like You. So Thought To Be A Perfect Match. Like A 100 Piece Puzzle With Just 97 Pieces Unable To See The Full Picture Clear. The Reasons Why The Things Called Destiney And Love Are Words That We All Fear. The Sweetest Taboo Yet Not As Deadly As Sin. Needing To End It Not Knowing How Or Knowing When. Yes Its Sad And Deep Yet I Can Only Laugh. Like Deja Vu Repeating my Past. Once before but I don't know with who. Then remembering that I've Been Here Once Before with me before you. I am the bee of the bee sting as i sting you. This is going to kill me alot more than it will hurt you.

My Prince.

When I said I didn't know I meant I didn't know how to explain. How you always make me laugh, and even smile when I'm in pain. I don't know to explain these feelings you have caused. Or how instead of staring straight into your eyes I just watch. Observing the way you look back at me and I wanna look away, but I still don't leave your eyes lonely and in your arms I stay. So I lay my head on your chest, close my eyes so I can clearly listen to the beat of your heart. Telling myself that this fairytale is real , and being with my prince was the best part.

The Phrase .

I can't believe that they were right.
I can't believe what they warned me about was true.
I can't believe I didn't believe 'em.
I can't believe you did everything they said you'd do.
I can't believe I didn't see this coming.
I can't believe I'm the one that's been played.
I can't believe with the fact that I've been hurt, you seem to act like your not even phased.
I can't believe it......
I can't believe what's already been proven.
I can't believe I thought about you the way I did.
I can't believe you acted so immature and like a baby.
You need to wipe that stupid face off with your bib.
I can't believe you words that were spoken to me.
I can't believe they still leave empty spaces in my mind.
I can't believe I ever gave you a shot.
I can't believe I just wasted all this time.
I can't believe that I believed you.
Not seeing what was to come ahead.
I can't believe I was gullible to entrust in you.
I really just can't believe it.
I can't believe in the phrase "I can't believe" because it really isn't true.
So every time that I said "I can't" it actually means it's a shame that I do.

I am Me

I can't stand letting you break my heart away. Can't stand to be with you for another day. By being confused about us I seem to be loosing myself. Wrapped up the feelings you claimed but never really felt. Your heart is not where your words I love you come from. But I don't know because I am too caught up in the idea of being in love. Sending the wrong illusions to my mind..... And I can't seem to find the reasons why, I should sit and waste my time loving someone as foolish as you.... Now knowing what to do I have to end it here. Pushing away all my fears. Turning to the brighter side of life. The side where I can actually be my self without putting up a fight. Where light is actually shown at the time of day. And where you can no longer take my life and play it as a game.... A weight of my back...A load of my heart.. Being able to start over with a fresh clean start. No bags under my eyes, or waking up in the middle of the night. No being what you want me to be, because I’ve decided to just be me.

Butterflies

When I feel out of place, he puts a smile on my face. Then the smile spreads real fast, and turns into a uncontrollable laugh. Embarrassed from blushing I cover my mouth, now laughing bout being embarrassed my laugh still carries out. As my laugh slowly calms down I feel flushed with butterflies. As he laughs at my actions he looks at me and sighs. I look right back at him staring straight in his eyes… God that look ...And I took it for what it was. But I quickly looked away, just because. Because he was looking at me the same way I was looking at him. With the knowledge of that I knew these feelings would not end. But I wish they would because I feel like I was about to explode….And so I just sat there as he studied my whole face. Moving his brown eyes on me with style and grace. Then he crept in closer and closer as if to whisper something into my ear. It felt like I stopped breathing taken over by fear. My heart beat faster…. And faster till it felt like it was about to drop… Sounding louder… and louder… so loud it sounded as if it had stopped. Then a very awkward silence I felt I needed to break. Just like when everybody states at the fat kid eating half the birthday cake… So I tried to laugh again but softly this time. But no sound came out and I felt flat as a line. I didn’t know how to fight these feelings of mine. So I gently placed my head on his shoulders and closed my eyes… I laid there for a moment but for what felt like an eternity. And was glad that he liked me for just being me. Opening my eyes he now sits there with a glow. Making me never wanna leave this position, only this much I know.

My Refund, Please?

I try so hard to make it look like I’m happy but the more I stretch my lips up the more the tears roll in disgrace down my face. So on my own I cry alone. I cry until the tears are gone. I cry until the tears are dry, now angry I just scream. To whimper off the pain that speaks my name. I let you get the best of my so now my minds lights with fury. After all the respect I treated to you, and this is what you do for me? You betray me discreetly in front of me eyes so now I roll mine in front of yours. When really you hurt others to make you happy, so the problems not really mine just yours. I try to throw a shadow over my true feelings but the night always turns back to day. And all my expressions are reveled by light unable to throw away. I try to cope with my thoughts so I soon begin to write. And then when I’m finishing writing this poem, I will be all right. Because I now know who to stay away from and that you I can no longer trust. You kill me with your stupidity, so away I stay to stay alive because I must. I let you get the best of me, and I broke down to rise strong again. You sunk through my skin and drenched my mind, but this is now and that was then. Disregard for anything you have to say to me, your poison words are now useless. I’ve overcome so much in my life I refuse to let you make me be stressed. What you had thought to be funny has you now standing there with the crickets. So now that your show is over I’d like a refund for these tickets.

Impossible

The more i start to like u the more I begin to hate u . The more i begin to see how things will never be the same . It no longer matters what we once had because its all in the past . You see because the pitcure is always much prettier than the frame . Only time will tell if i have failed, If i had lost all tht i knew . But the more days that pass the more i begin to become more and more confused . You can never mention your intentions and ur NOT an easy read . And if we aint just friends , just to make a mends , tell me wht you hope to be . Tell me how YOU feel , not just what i wanna hear . Cuz it would be different if i find out it was only said outta fear . Although the truth hurts i'd rather no lies and have straight facts . Because with all theese mixed signals Im startin to be pushed back . Its as if a part of me has been earased , ripped out , but rewritten and retaped . All the pieces of me are there , bt a portion of them will never be the same . The tape is transparent but its easy to see it needs work . And behind the eraser shavings u can see the marks that left me hurt . It makes me just about so ready to just throw in the towel but instead imma chose to ring it out nd let it dry . Even if it seems jst about impossible how will i know if i quit everytime i try .

Game Over

Learn from your mistakes , but what happens when they're relived . Forgiveness now becomes not an option, not a gift . Try and protect me from the same beast tht you have now become . A broken home , a broken family , with no where to run . Love is a matter defined by others but you by definition arent in love, only in control . You only care about yourself , nothing else matters . Your the only person tht you can say you love . Mistakes stormin on my parade . No knocked or even ask for a key . They jst kicked in the door knocked me on the floor . Turned me into a person i didn't really have to be . Long gone are the days of being drunk off your affectionate lies . In 12 simple steps I will soon become sober . And although theres love as your child I may never erase bt I hate to say , sorry daddy . Game's over .

Broken Hearted

So Im starting to get the feelin things will never once again be the same . Everything happens for a reason , but I'm the reason to blame . My apologies are just empty words unable to reverse the damage done . But i coud change that all if when it came to wishes if I only had one . Try to ignore it ; as if i can't even be phased . But u know that in my heart no one can ever take your place . I gave u my key as more than a gratitude token . But remember hearts are usually broken from words unspoken .

Change

Gave you the key to my heart so easily but come to think of it did you ever give me yours . The light can't shine in with the blinds down and all your doors closed . Mistakes made nd suffered for in a collection of regrets . Small but major and impossible to forgive and forget . But lets go back to the days we when all we did was play and life was only innocence and bliss . And just like me you shall come to see all the things that you miss . Move on , Move On , MOVE ON ! One step forward , but three retreated . Look up and i can see nothing , for the hole dug myself in keeps getting steeper . Is there even any room left for you to ever love me again ? I guess not because look at how we barely managing to stay friends . I feel like I ran into a dead end tunnel. Dark and blind. Too naive and believed that your love was ever mine. Nothing good can remain the same . I guess thts a benefit/disadvantage of this thing called change .

Closed Curtains

And what hurts the most is that you can't read my mind , that we dnt make the time , and it feels like a crime . Where i was once most comfortable , I now can't stand to face , can't even aproach it at a steady pace . Fear trips me to the ground , each time I start to find my way around . Each time I think I may be beginning to progress . But then my emotions reminds me tht I'm only running in circles , loosing my true self in the hopes to impress . Unintenionally of course you see , I'd never want u to like me for someone I pretented to be . But lets the chips fall where they may , and wherever they do I'll be okay . I hate feeling like I'm pushing against the actions of fate , because If its meant to be then I may certaintly wait . But for now Im thru trynna put on a big show . If u need me I'll be backstage . Curtains Closed .