Anchored Down

Going with the flow because I created my own.
Nothing to pull me each and every way.
Only my aspirations carry the wrath of the waters.
Anchoring me down and I'm here to stay.
I burn with passion from the salty taste of all my sweat and tears.
Focused on continuing down the stream, failure being my only fear.
Fighting off negativity's exhorted force of energy to get me off track.
Constantly reminding myself that if do sink, with time I can float myself right back.
The depth of my dreams, too deep to stand on, so big they'll go right over your head.
Tuned into only them, with no diversions, until they become my reality instead.
Taking pride in my talents, my gifts from God, and using it to give back to life.
My best is all Ill ever present. Surfing thru the pressure, with my head up high.
Let the path for your future fall fresh by going with the flow and let river deliver you to your ocean.
Calibrate your progression, with the image of your outcome, due to your dreams committed devotion.

Playing House

No matter how many times you hurt me, still you managed to reluctantly pull me back in when I tried to leave.
I had no option but to love you, half the reason for my existence. The more I lowered my standards to try to accept you for who you are, the more you made me feel like anything less than human. Like a parasite you sucked the life outta me. I was your host, you lived off my growth and success. Fed off my failure.
Took claim when no where signed was your name. Always at the finish line but when I tripped during the race you were no where around to help me back on my feet. Annihilated any hopes I had, but dreams weren't realistic enough for you. You expect the universe from me as if the world only revolves around you. I used to give you all of me, effort and emotion. Actions speak louder than words, but you've never acted on your "love" for me. Our language barrier buried our relationship, but we both speak the same tongues as our natives. Never could admit your faults, but diligently pointed the faults in me. Ive been around you too long to not know how you operate. Played your role as if you were perfect. But I know all the mistakes you made once the curtains were closed. The same dna but differently defined. You would expose me to make yourself look good. But the only thing that you've revealed is lies. And they all worshiped you, my devil, as if you were a God. Brought down the people that mattered most to you . You required approval from people whose lives you don't benefit from. But I know you did it because I could never exploit you. Had no choice to come back to you. Calling you my father was my biggest lie, and like poison they infected me. Your pride has gotten in the way of our growth every time.No one has ever hurt me more than you have. Forgiveness is no longer an option. You popped in and out of my life as you pleased. There were times your presence hurt as much as your absence. And without notice the more you left they more you took a piece of me with you.
Attempted to make me the spitting image of your failure. I may mirror your image but inside we'll never be the same. I no longer seek to hurt you like you've hurt me. I hope me hurting will make you want you to better yourself. Three times a charm, a third chance with the rest of my siblings. Instead of just telling them your title actually play your role. And instead of always putting yourself first, put your kids first and make their happiness a goal.

Answering Machine

"Hello?"
No response.
"Is there anyone on the other end of this line?"
Almost complete lack of sound.
"There's no dial tone, and I can hear you breathing. "
Silence.
I should really just hang it up, give it up, and walk away.
But I keep the line open for you because you know I'm here to stay.
I'm hooked, even when nothing benefited me at the end of your fishing line.
I accepted you at your worse, you were detrimental to me at mine.
Fooled me, you have me torn.
Knew I build up my walls and locked all my doors.
You tore the hinges off, forced yourself inside.
I was out in the open despite my pride.
But once you were in, you led me on to leave me hanging.
You had me in the dark for a great extent.
Which is why I was so attached to the few words you parted with.
Like a game of Marco Polo they were the only sense of which way to go.
But you had me walking in circles.
Did we ever get anywhere? No.
I know things don't happen overnight
But you couldn't even meet me halfway.
I thought I could proceed with your games, but it's me you played.
Received your busy signal so many times before, once I got thru to you I was satisfied.
But I refused to accept our two way conversation was a one way, so to myself I lied.
I gave you my all, asking for one thing in return and still you constantly shut me out.
As if I was asking for a lot, like it would kill you if the truth came from your mouth.
Your "oblivion" to how I felt soon turned to negligence.
I know you received my signals, even when our connection was lost.
Naïve by possibilities and hope from you dragging the line out.
You left me in a frozen state of mind.
It's time I defrost.
The more I had to pull information out of you, the more I pushed myself six feet deep.
It's like you forgot our history and who I was, even though you have caller Id.
When I finally said I was done with you, that wasn't me playing hard to get.
Your reign over me had me feeling down.
Unlike you, I said what I thought I meant.
You didn't even challenge me, which helped me strengthen my words.
You knew I was already hurting, it's almost as if your goal was to break me.
I finally felt I was headed down the right path for myself.
Rather walk away while I still have an ounce of my sanity
I wanna forget your existence and even that we were ever involved.
Ill always love you, you'll always have my heart.
But you can keep it now that you walked all over it.
That's why I've become heartless and stored it in a vault.
By time you come around, my numbers will have changed.
I'll be disconnected from you, no longer waiting by the phone.
So if you bother to finally hear me out,
*Beep* Mister please leave a message after the tone.

Fermented Truth.

Strong as an ox I am, but you're the straw on my camel back.
My kryptonite you bring me to my knees.
My first love, my sweetest taboo
I'll do whatever you ask even without so much as a thank you or please.
Your hand placed under my chin raising it, I look up to you.
You can never do any wrong in my eyes.
Place you high on a pedestal but tiptoe around you on a thin layer of ice.
I hold onto your every word, you inspire me and give me hope.
Your are the flashlight of my darkest days.
Even when I feel at my lowest you manage to put me on your back and strengthen me upward in your ways.
Your presence is almost as painful as your absence.
Your tongue is delicate to me, I feel pain in my chest when you speak.
I live in fear or rejected or no longer being accepted by you.
So when I get the urge to tell you I'm still in love with you, I bite the inside of my cheek.
During the days of my dehydration of life you were the first to kiss water to my lips.
Now you have me in chains, heavy from the burdens I carry from doing you amiss.
You have visible power over me. Im in debt to you, I am prisoner of your war.
I will fight on the battlefield for your love until death due us apart.
Stand out from all the rest and strike me with intense emotion.
The only person whom I've been in love with you preoccupy all my thoughts.
You've been introduced to every side of me, without you i feel like my identity has been lost.
Your are the epitome of every girl's dream but we were more perfect when together.
I'm not saying I want what we had, I'm thinking beyond that, I desire way better.
Never in my life have I wanted something so bad.
I'm willing to risk it all for you.
Patiently waiting for your return or until you think I've paid my dues.
I fantasize of being reunited at the part of your plump lips and again.
I imagine melting into you as I experience their silk like feel.
Holding me gently in your arms, I never wanna leave.
But waiting for it to be real is the part that kills.
I keep my emotions in a bottle, why don't you pull out a glass?
Because I'll only let you taste a sip if you're ready to ask.
My knight and shining amor you slay me with your silence.
Please tell me what it is you that you desire.
We're collectively holding back from each other.
But I guess truth is only a taste acquired.

Permission

Wounds reopened that i thought had healed burns at the touch of the cold air of my past. Too delicate, no tissue thick enough to scar it over. I don't mean to hurt you but I thought I was protecting myself. Selfish of me, but please let me explain. My love for you has bled out to its very last drop leaving me completely drained. But forever I bleed, forever I'll love you. My love for you flows thru me internally. You were more than everything to me. You'll have a piece of me unable to be reattained . But waiting for you almost feels like waiting for the impossible to happen. Time is all it took . Not patience, because I had none . Even though I have it now but I don't know where it came from . It took time for me to realize what had been in front of me the whole time . As time heals all, but the process kills. Cried you a thousands rivers frozen from neglect . And it cracks every time I look back to what we had. I slip thru and I'm drowning of embarrassment and shame. It burns holes thru my heart, and now you see right thru me. As if my existence once was all in vain. I could easily look back at all the good times we had , but that would just make it even harder for me to look past. I need the strength to move on, but my weakness is I only want to move on with you. Start over with a fresh start, but I don't think you even have a clue. Everyone else can see I never truly let you go. I wanna tell you how I feel, but I'm not sure if you already know. Im hurting without you, wont you numb me over with a dose of your love? But I'll live for the pain if it means I have to wait. I'd rather be hurting because all we'll ever be is friends over being hurt because we act like strangers in the streets. Every time I pass your presence from me not a single breathe leaks. Forever you'll have your strings on my heart and Ill proudly dance. You own my heart, my soul, me. Even from afar Ill be your biggest fan. And you never took advantage of me. Call me a bitch for trying to dig up our old bones in our closet but we cant move forward without understanding our past. After waiting years to even hold a conversation with you, are my emotions worth risking loosing that? I lost you once, I can't lose you again. So if i have to I'll settle to being just friends. You're worth biting my tongue, you deserve it all. And only if you allow me I'll give it to you.